I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
