Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
