I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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