I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
