He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
