Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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