Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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