Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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