meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
