The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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