if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
