I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
