you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
