dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
