Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sober January is a disaster.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
