she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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