Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
