Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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