never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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