is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
