i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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