Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
even my farts smell like vagina
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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