She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
