I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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