my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
