is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
MIDGETS
????
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
