DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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