when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
