You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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