I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
