Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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