considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
