That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
