i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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