gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
