Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
