I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
