I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
