im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
