you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
