ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
