They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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