Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
