dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
