smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
