there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
