woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
