I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
