I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
