Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
