Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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