The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I made him laugh his dick is mine
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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