Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
