Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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