i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
