Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
