being pregnant is like rehab
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
