Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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