I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
