You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
