he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
