Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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