So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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